I am always a mom who loves my children. Sometimes, I am a mom who weeps for them and over them.
My daughters are pretty great.
Sometimes, my girls make decisions that just don’t thrill me.
I was lying in bed one night, worrying over my daughters. Thoughts flowed into my mind as I was just about to fall asleep. I had to jump out of bed and quickly write down the ideas. I didn’t want to forget them.
When our children were young, Chris and I were able to create parameters and guidelines in helping our girls make choices.
As young children, they had agency, but in reality, their choices were often limited. As parents, we would help them make decisions by offering options:
Do you want to wear this pink shirt today or the striped one?
Would you like cereal for breakfast or pancakes?
Which friend would you like to play with? This one or that one?
The choices were much simpler.
As our daughters have grown and matured and exercised their agency in making choices, Chris and I have reinforced our family standards, goals, and expectations all along the way.
One day, as I was perusing book titles on my Deseret Bookshelf Plus app, I came across a book titled, The God Who Weeps. Though I have not yet read the book, the titled intrigued me. And as I have thought lately about a God who allows His children to have agency, I am beginning to understand a little more: God is a God who weeps, a God who cheers, a God who worries, a God who agonizes over his children, a God who never stops loving.
This standing aside to let my adult and teen children make choices? It is one of the hardest things for me to do. As a mom who loves, I want to step in. I want to make life all better.
I want them to choose the way I would.
And as every other person that has ever lived upon this earth— but One—they make mistakes. They make choices that are fantastic and some that aren’t optimal. Through all of the ups and downs, I am a mom who weeps, a mom who cheers, a mom who worries, a mom who prays, a mom who loves.
Though I wish I could wrap my girls in the easy parameters of their childhood choices, I can’t. And so they are making decisions:
- Do I draw close to God or pull away?
- Do I make good choices or should I follow this not-so-great option?
- Do I sacrifice career for family or family for career as I plan my life?
- Should I eat healthy? Should I exercise?
- Are my friend choices lifting me up or pulling me down?
- Which college should I attend and what should I study?
- Should I even go to college?
- Is God important?
As I watch my girls grapple with important life decisions, there are times when my heart cheers and others when my heart breaks. I guess that is what being a parent is all about.
And my prayers to heaven never cease.
I am grateful for a God who is teaching me to be a parent. He is teaching me that I am a mom who loves her girls dearly while also learning that sometimes weeping over them is okay too.
No doubt, He has wept over me. Yet, He has never stopped loving me, encouraging me, or sending the inspiration as I need it. I am grateful for agency and for a God who loves me enough to weep over me.
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